First point I want to make is that yes….I allowed a simple pleasure (and many simple pleasures) to become a crutch in my life. I was becoming dependent and it didn’t make me feel better, or ‘cure’ my autoimmune disease. It just covered up pain for a few hours….just to start hurting again….
100 days ago, I made a choice to truly kick it in the butt and go 100% healthy….I had spent the last year making a lot of changes in my lifestyle choices. I had pin pointed what I could eat and couldn’t eat. My autoimmune (Sjögren’s Flares), had tamed down and consistently gotten less and less. I was exercising on most days. I had competed in a few ‘races’ in running and cycling as well! I was more clear headed at work and felt like I was getting better overall.
However, 100 days ago, I realized I wasn’t ‘all in’. I was only dabbling with my toes in the water. I was still waking up not as refreshed, I was still exhausted after a long day, and I still had a lot of aches and pains….
I was taking a lot of healthy supplements, I was fit, but a piece was missing.
100 days ago, I decided to do a juice fast to reset my system. This juice fast just happened to fall on the week before our yearly ladies retreat through our church. So it was fitting….I didn’t mean to do a ‘spiritual’ fast, I was only trying to heal my gut again. However, what started as just me wanting ‘reset’ my body, turned into a spiritual awaking…..
No wonder I wasn’t feeling better….I was still holding onto something that I had become ‘Dependent’ on, and that Dependency wasn’t God. That dependency was my choice for alcohol to get by.
Now, this is not the most glamorous thing to talk about. Addictions of any kind are hard to share….I personally have a very addictive mentality. I can become addicted to working out, to work, to substances, to alcohol, to fame, to money, to food…..I have a long history of this behavior…. BUT, I have gone through many years of healing this ‘addictive behavior/personality’ and thought I had it under control….except this one thing. I wasn’t drinking daily, or going to bars and partying the night away. I would just accept opportunities to have a drink, but then drink too much. I used the excuse that it truly did help me fall asleep on those days…..but just to wake up not feeling refreshed at all…..and realizing I had replaced God with that one thing….
You see, I didn’t realize till 100 days ago that I can’t just have one drink. I want to have many. I can’t just have a beer with friends at dinner….I would want 3….I realized that if I truly want to feel better and to heal both mentally and physically, I have to choose that it is not important anymore and that I had to completely turn away from it.
So that is what I did.
I made a choice on September 8, 2019, that I would truly start my path to physical and mental healing, but it wasn’t until the morning of September 15, 2019, that I realized God was in this….
I had just spent an entire weekend with some amazing ladies at Dickey Lake Bible Camp. I was able to share my testimony and meet a few people that had gone through similar experiences as mine. I felt a new sense of clarity and my spirit was refreshed….I had never woken up feeling like that before.
I decided that weekend that I was about to embark on a journey….and I have enjoyed every day of it! Today, December 17, 2019, is technically day 101 and I feel 101% better because of the choices I made back in September. This has actually been easier that I would have expected, but I think it is important to note that my personal goals are not going to happen if I am still taking a sip once in while….they will only happen if I go ALL IN…..and I chose to go ALL IN, because I am a doer and shaker…..and 101% IN!
For 2020, here are a few things I am doing….or planning on doing in which alcohol or any addiction, is totally in the way:
* I am planning on helping my work have an even better year that 2019
* I am training for a Sprint and Olympic Triathalon
* I am planning a few long distance Road Rides (hoping to ride 100 miles at once for my first Century ride)
* I am enjoying waking up at 4:15 DAILY….and it has CHANGED my life and productivity
* I am going to do more ‘little things’ with my kids….
* I am going to be a better wife to my husband
* I am going to keep moving forward and not let meaningless things get in my way!
Thank you for listening….and I hope as you end your 2020, you can re-evaluate the important things in your life and see what you can change, to make a better tomorrow…..
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